But we had hoped…
Last week, our pastor gave a sermon on these words. These words, he said, were some of the most poignant in the Bible.
They were spoken by two of Jesus’ disciples days after Jesus’ brutal crucifixion. They thought Jesus had come to defeat the Romans but He had been killed instead. They were shocked, they were confused, they were filled with a hopeless grief.
But we had hoped…
I heard those words and my heart burned. Like the disciples in their grief, I, too, had hoped.
Very soon after our child’s birth, it became apparent that he was different from other children. There were meltdowns, anxieties and idiosyncrasies but the hardest part for me were the milestones he missed. He could not catch a ball, he could not ride a bike, he could not write.
So many milestones have continued to be missed. He was not able to get his learner’s permit at 15 or his driver’s license at 16. His senior year in high school will not lead to an exciting time in college and my husband and I realize now that he will probably live with us as an adult.
I hoped for so many things for my son: adventures, friends, independence, all of the “normal” things that kids get to experience.
The disciples hoped that Jesus was the Messiah sent to save them from Roman oppression. But Jesus did not do what they expected Him to do, He did something much greater: He defeated death forever, He conquered hell and all of the forces of evil and He made a way for all of us to have everlasting life with Him.
Now, in my grief, I wonder, am I just like the disciples? In my grieving over what I had hoped for, am I missing the risen Christ walking right beside me?
Lord, as my hopes lay around my feet like tattered rags, help me to see you, walking right beside me in your resurrected glory.
Help me to see that what you are offering is so much greater than what I had hoped for, so much greater than anything I could have ever asked for, hoped for, or imagined.
***The necklace pictured was given to me by my sweet sister. It is called “Christina’s Comfort” from Rustic Lace Creations and is dedicated to women who have a child struggling with special needs. It is one of the most precious gifts I have ever been given.